


Before the Spring

by AliceandHatter



Series: The King of the Ashes Universe [2]
Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Dany is sad, Dany is the one that killed him, Dark Jon Snow, F/M, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Jon is in a state of denial and self loathing, Jon is the one that burn KL here, Or...traumatized Jon, Pregnant Sex, Role Reversal, This is a post reverse version of season 8 fic, so is jon, they both need hugs, writer is not a native English speaker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:34:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27775432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceandHatter/pseuds/AliceandHatter
Summary: After Daenerys Targaryen killed Jon Snow also known as Aegon Targaryen because of the mass murder he committed in King’s Landing and stopped him from burning the whole world, she took him to Volantis to be resurrected.
Relationships: Jon Snow/Daenerys Targaryen, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: The King of the Ashes Universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2031901
Comments: 10
Kudos: 32





	Before the Spring

**Author's Note:**

> I write this months ago and finally translate it. This is the continuation of my other fic 'All the Ashes in the World'. After this I'm probably done writing anything that trash season related. I'm not a native English speaker so please be gentle.

Fire. Everything was on fire.

His shadow fell over the buildings, but they were shaped like a dragon, anger went from his heart to his throat, cities burned, castles fell and black smoke filled everywhere, the cries of terror echoed in the air, but he didn’t care. He just wanted revenge, to make people suffer like how he suffered, to make them feel the same pain he felt.

"Dracarys! " He roared, again and again, all he saw were ants and puppets.

Then his surroundings turned to white, snow began to fall, mixed with the ashes which he caused. If it wasn’t because of the endless pain and lament in his heart. He would even think it’s funny how two totally different things looks so much alike.

Ice burns like fire. Wolves feast like dragons. Snow just the cold version of ashes.

Why act surprise? People should know it when Ned Stark gave him that disgusting false name.

It’s true they say that there’s sweetness in revenge, and he did feel he tasted the bits and pieces of it when he gave that speech in front of his men. However, just like her gaze filled with worrisome and fear, the emptiness in his guts never disappear.

He continued walking, avoiding staring too long into her eyes. He was sure about what he did. He wasn’t going to let her see him weak. But that again failed when she questioned him with the same hot rage and hug him with her open arms.

_"I will not leave you again, not anymore."_ he heard Dany saying those words, not love but that was good enough for him. Her voice like a honey sweet melody, her blue-gold eyes so soft. She kissed him, finally made him felt some comfort and joy during this long-term misery, then a sharp pain pierced his chest, he gasped, feeling blood pouring out of his body, hot tears rolling down her face.

Next, he fell back into that darkness again.

Aegon opened his eyes and took a deep breath.

He sat up with difficulty and looked around. He found himself lying on a stone bed in what looked like a temple, built in a very different style from anything he had seen in Westeros. He didn’t remember or have any clue about how he got here. Was he still in a dream? Was he wrong about there’s nothing after death and finally out of the limbo of seven hells falling straight into the pit? Just as he was about to move, a familiar pain passed from his chest reminded him that he was in living in the strange and senseless reality. Aegon looked at himself, his armor and leather and shirt were all gone, he was wearing only his trousers, on the left of his scarred torso is a new wound.

In a instant, previous memories came back like a flash, his suffering, her whispers, his pleas, her tears, he looked down and saw the dagger which went into his heart, almost immediately, he understood what had happened.

Dany killed him, and somehow he was brought back again.

And with the realization, came an unbearable pain.

He should have known it the moment she came to him with her troubled face in the throne room. He thought he could make her understand. He thought he could show her his reasons like how he convinced her about the army of the dead. But then just like he couldn’t persuade his Night’s Watch brothers to make peace with the wildlings. His naiveness had again doomed him.

He lost everything, and in the end the women he loved and trusted the most still betrayed him. His breath became heavy, he wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, his blood boiled hotter and hotter and he wanted to punch something or burn… _burn them all_ , but next he remembered her fearing eyes, and with it came more memories that put down the rage that babbling inside him, he remembered what he had done.

He remembered, those things he had chosen to ignore, the cries of women and children, the smothering smoke of death, piles and piles of black bones……

_"Children, little children, they were all burned alive! "_

_"You betrayed me, too! "_

He remembered her saying this to him, in a voice full of the same anger and sadness that had disturbed his determination, distracted him, made him feel guilty.

Those children, some of them were even younger than Arya and Rickon had been when he left them and went to the wall.

But Arya was no more, so was Rickon.

And there’s only darkness waiting for _them_ in death.

Why did she do it? In her perspective, of course Aegon understood, just as she had not given him a choice, she thought he had not given her one either.

He had become what everyone feared the most, something even worse than Cersei and Euron, something Daenerys had sworn to destroy.

Maybe she never loved him, but who could he blame? He thought ironically, who could love such a killer? He was a desperate man loving her and dreaming he could finally have the love and acceptance he was forbidden to have his whole life. Like a moth darts into the candle light, he never thought he would be destroyed by it. What he did doesn’t deserve to be forgiven, he didn't deserve to be loved and maybe he wasn’t born to be loved anyway.

_“It should have been you.”_ He thought of Catelyn Tully’s words when he tried to say his farewell to Bran, who later confirmed his parentage to Sam and started all of this. Why would they tell him anyway? It only ruined and twisted him and everything he care about. _Was this his intention all alone?_

Speaking of other’s intentions, one can easily say it’s all his fault, but was it really? He thought of Tyrion's gaze, Sansa's betrayal, the ungrateful northern lords’ arrogant attitude, her refusal, Ghost lying on a pool of blood and Tormund shouting angrily before he watched his head left his body while Euron Greyjoy and Cersei Lannister grind disgustingly, his chest started to hurt again, anger boiling in his blood. He's been trying so hard to be this good and honorable man, to be Jon Snow, to save people over and over again, but it's all useless, they had already abandoned him the moment they knew who he really was, even Dany. He was no longer their brother, their friend, their lover, but only her heir, a monster in the other’s eyes.

And in the end, he did become one.

It’s ironic that he tried so hard to gather people to stop the Night King but in the end he nearly finish his job for him.

_Or perhaps it’s always going to be this way?_ He thought of the time when he hang those Night’s Watch brothers, they did betrayed him but one of them was still a ten year old kid, he tried to find some kind of remorse but all he felt was how good it is to see them suffer and after it’s done, there was only a void and indifference left. He thought of the time when he burned his dear boy’s white fur on Dragonstone. He bathed his hands in the flame but it never hurt him like last time he did that. What’s more, he found out he could stay awake without eating for weeks if he wanted to. There’s always something wrong and inhuman about him after the resurrection, he just kept fooling himself and pretending that he was normal.

He thought of the expression on Dany’s face when he executed Davos, full of shock and disgust, He thought of when he tried his last desperate effort to search a little peace with her, but all he saw in her eyes were reluctance and fear like he was no better than god damn Viserys she told him about. He guessed maybe it was then he finally accepted who he was, that he was doomed to be the villain, the ultimate bad guy, the tyrant she was going to destroy.

A greedy bastard who want more than he should and die choking on his own doing.

Lady Stark was right after all.

A sense of bitterness rushed up his throat, all those emotions biting and tearing each other in his mind, harassing his nerves, for a moment he wished he was dead, so he wouldn't have to continue this struggle. They were right that he was a mistake, from the moment his irresponsible parents gave birth to him he was cursed. Life had brought him nothing but misery, he began to hate why he had been brought back again.

"You're awake, " a voice interrupted his thoughts. Aegon turned his head and saw a woman in a red gown coming through the door. Her dress reminded him of Melisandre, "My name is Kinvara, high priestess of the Temple of Volantis, the first servant of the lord of light. " she introduced herself, smiling. She was probably the one who brought him back to life, but Aegon didn't care.

"I once told a priestess like you not to bring me back, " he threatened. He had already done so much evil, he didn't mind adding one more, "You got a lot of nerve. I told her I'd kill her if she and her God ever messed with me again. "

"You could do that , I will serve our Lord in both life and death, "Kinvara said, still wearing the same calm smile, "but I'm afraid it will only waste your third chance. "

"You mean the third punishment! " Aegon growled at her. The woman's unflappable posture only annoyed him more. He searched in his mind trying to feel the bond with Rhaegal and find out where he is, so that he could immediately strangle her and fly back to burn all those who had wronged him, and then return to that darkness, "Damn you lord! If he so insistently refuses to let me go, then you would know whom to blame when I raze this place to the ground——”

"Don’t be a fool, Aegon of House Targaryen, " she interrupted, her voice still calm. "She's here, Daenerys Stormborn, she's the one who brought you here, who gave you this chance, not the Lord of Light. "

"She's carrying your child. "

For a moment, Aegon felt his mind went blank. He took a deep breath and tried to digest the information. He couldn't help feeling a mixture of feelings. A child, their child. He knew the witch was lying. But that's not the point, that’s not what’s bothering him. What hurt him the most is that she kept telling him and believing that she couldn’t have children therefore they couldn’t be together. Yet now that was proven false. For her, restoring their family name seems more important than anything, more important than him. Was what she told him even true? A paranoid part of him thought. Was it her plan all along? To have his child to continue the Targaryen line and get rid of him? But if so why brought him back? A mad man who was going to destroy the world she had worked so hard to protect. He thought she had long back to Meereen, or anywhere in the world far from him, forgotten him, hell, she might even have found another man. But she’s here, waiting for him for who knows how long. Was it because she wanted to punish and humiliate him in this way? Or was it her pity? Or was it because of their child who made her changed her mind? His stomach turned at the thought. If it’s because of that, she didn’t need to worry at all. He would end himself again after killing Tyrion Lannister and that traitorous daughter of Catelyn Tully, finishing her job and saving her from carrying the crime of kinslaying, and their children wouldn’t have to know that their father was a mass murderer who killed thousands. He had nothing to lose, he didn't need anyone to pity him.

"... Why?" He asked, trying his best to suppress the rising anger in him again, all sorts of vicious curses brewing in his mind.

"She loves you, " she simply replied, like it’s something very obvius.

"Is she? " He burst out a bitter scoff. After what she did, this kind of reason was just so hard to believe. Her words only stung him once more, "She stabbed me in the heart! You call this love? "

"I understand it’s easy to see the situation from the outside, Aegon. But try see her reasons. Both of you were champions chosen by the Lord of Light, suppose to bring peace to the world after The Great War. And yet you both made mistakes. Her mistake was following her mind instead of her heart. Yours was giving in to your own grief. Fortunately, Daenerys finally saw through the truth that you were both misguided and stopped it from becoming something worse. She did it to save you. "

"You and her, your song is the song of ice and fire, destined to come together from the beginning, one shall not without the other, like two sides of the same coin. "

"And I'm the _mad_ one, " Aegon said sarcastically, feeling beyond bitterness, he’d had enough of these damned prophecies and so-called fates, those things brought him nothing but misfortune. "She should have let me die. "

Kinvara frowned slightly and sighed, as if he was a foolish, stubborn child.

"There is no use in resentment, son of dragon and wolf, madness and greatness are always dancing on the both sides, sometimes they are the same thing, " she said, "Now that you two have fulfilled the Lord's mission for you, what to choose in the time that follows, it is all up to you. "

"I've done my part. If you have anything else to say, you'd better say it to her in person. "

With that, the priestess gave him that annoying smile again and left.

Then, _she_ came in.

Aegon felt his heart stop a beat.

He had thought that he had made up his mind, that he was ready, that he had thought of everything he could say to question her, to hurt her, to be cruel, but the moment he actually saw her again, he suddenly felt that the air around him had been sucked out, his brain freeze, head spinning, any strength he had to expressed those anger seemed to drain away.

The first thing he saw was her silver hair, which was now completely let down by her, those moonlight waves which he knew only too well were so smooth and shiny that he felt they were within his reach just by looking at them. He could feel every curve, every touch, just as she had once let him touch them. Then her eyes, the blue and gold he'd never forgotten,from the moment he saw them on Dragonstone, he knew that the only meaning those two colors would have were her. Her lips were as lovely as ever pink, she was in a blue dress with trousers and boots underneath, simple but at the same time made her look more fair, beautiful and powerful. She was carrying a bucket in her hand, a cleaning cloth on her shoulder, her small figure came slowly towards him with a nervous look, but even so, she still carried that natural grace of her, that firmness and kindness. She still looked like a queen, a mother.

Despite his extreme reluctance to admit it, after everything that had happended, he's still damned, hopelessly in love with her, he still madly wants her.

He knows. He's already lost.

Daenerys did not speak, but walked over to him and sat down silently, laid down the bucket. Her eyes were as soft as water which made Aegon felt as if she could see through him from the flesh to the soul. His turned his face away and closed his eyes, protecting his broken body, he didn’t want to let her see this confounded look of him. He tried to recall the darkness brought him peace, but again failed.

"How do you feel? " She whispered, her voice still as sweet and caring as ever, crushing his already fragile defenses.

Jon couldn't help but shaking.

He shouldn't have turned around, but he did.

He should have shaken off her tentative hand on his shoulder at once, but he did not.

_"Don't come near me. " "Don't touch me."_ he wanted to say, but he couldn't.

Her hands…… they were so warm and soft.

_Damn you, Daenerys. Damn you, Jon Snow. Damn you all._ He cursed in his mind.

Seeing that he did not answer, she did not question him further. She took the cloth from her shoulder and dipped it in the water, intending to clean him. Aegon sighed, turning to reveal his back, allowed her to do so.

Just like that, they sat in silence. Daenerys carefully washed the dirt from him. The soft fabric passed over his body, her fine fingers with some thin cocoons pressed against his shoulder blades, causing his breath to quicken, his blood run hot. The strength was just right.

_How long have you been doing this?_ Thought Aegon.

Then she instructed him to turn around, he was able to meet her lovely face again, her breath blowing gently on his chest, curling lashes fluttering slightly, the cloth caressing his stomach, and finally, as her gaze fell on the new wound on the right, her eyelids drooped, guilt crept up on her brows again, as it had on Dragonstone.

Suddenly, his throat swelled, he hated this look of her, he thought for a moment he had just forgotten everything, but her expression only reminded him of all he had suffered.

Almost like a unconscious urge, Aegon put out his hand and raised her chin, forcing her to look at him, a gesture that caused shock to the other, she gasp and look uncertainly at him, waiting for his next move, in that moment he wanted to kiss her, wanted to wipe that disgusting look away from her forever, wanted to make love to her until they're two flames with no other memories, but then, he remembered her indifference, the force she had when she pushed him away, and what he had done because of her refusal.

No, he can't. He can't let himself go down that path again. Not yet. He can't afford it.

Releasing her, Aegon stood up and took a step back. He let out a hard breath.

"Jon... "Daenerys rose to her feet and called in a faint voice, but this time she was the one that was nervous.

"Aegon. . .” He whispered, he almost begged her. He could not bear to hear the name of the lie that had destroy his whole life, Aegon was better, Aegon could make him remember who he was, Aegon could remind him of what he had done……

"Aegon, " she said, correcting herself, showing her understanding, he thanked her in his heart.

"... Do you blame me? " She asked, her voice almost trembling.

_Yes_ , he wanted to say. He wanted to blame her for abandoning him, he wanted to blame her for killing him, he wanted to blame her for stubbornly choosing to believe the false prophecies instead of his love for her, he wanted to tell her that there was still a part of him that wanted revenge, wanted to make those people pay, wanted to tell her that he was still full of doubts, wanted to ask her again the question she hadn't answered that night at the feast, but in the end, looking into her eyes, still tentative and full of sadness, he knew he couldn't say those words. He couldn't do that to her, and she wouldn't let him hurt others.

Facing her, _he could never win_. He mocked himself.

"It's all right, Dany, " he said with a deep sigh. "I can never blame you. I told you so. "

Daenerys nodded and stepped forward, as if she wanted to say or do something, but in the end, she just looked at him, her mouth slightly drawn, yet her face was full of sadness.

***

When she first came to Volantis, she felt cold.

Drogon and Rhaegal had not been seen or heard from since they brought them here, during that time, Daenerys had not slept well or eaten much, guarding Jon's lifeless body, she was constantly in a state of lost and remorse, she had killed her lover, her family, and even though she knew Ser Jorah would bring Missandei, her Khalasar and the Unsullied home, she couldn’t help but felt she had abandoned them, she had broken all the vows and put her faith in a god she had never believed in. No one could understand this stubborness, this terrible resolve, not even herself.

_It's the only way._ She had to do it. She had to. She often reminded herself, but sometimes, looking at his scar, she couldn't get the red off it no matter how much she washed it, and she began to tremble. She couldn’t help but feel like she was reliving the situation when she give Drogo that mercy kill. She was afraid, afraid that it would all be in vain, afraid that she had made the wrong choice, afraid that he would never come back, that she would lose him forever. Whenever she felt that way, she would shiver and hide herself in a corner and cry, she felt like she was that little girl again. Thought of the world without him, that she was going to live in it with their child alone, her child would probably look just like him, and when she or he asked about their father, about where he was, she may never be able to answer. If the worst happens, she may one day lose her mind like he did. She doesn't know how to face a life like that.

Sometimes she would take out the dagger and rub her thumb against the surface of the knife, imagining that if she stabbed it into herself, the suffering might be over.

Fortunately, she wasn't alone, and in what was probably the most terrifying period of her life, Kinvara was there to help her, to give her some comfort even if they were in riddles, to tell her that she had done the right thing, she would be with him again. Then she started force herself to rest and eat as much as she could, gradually, she began to come out of this despair. Every night when she wiped his body again, she looked at his clam face as if sleeping, her belly began to warm slightly. She stroke it gently, imagining the new life they were about to have, the miracle that whatever god had given her, she began to allow herself to have a little peace, to allow herself to hope.

Finally, as they said, he was back. When she heard the news she almost wept, she wanted to run to him and kiss his face and hug him until nothing in the world could keep them apart, but then she remembered what she did, another kind of fear seized and stopped her, so in the end she only approached cautiously, prepared for all his possible reproaches, reprisals, and departure, when he released her, her heart sank, almost thought she lost everything, but to her surprise, he forgave her.

Even if it's almost too easy to make her feel wrong.

Kinvara arranged a small house near the temple for them to rest and have some personal space, it’s almost similar to the house in Braavos, though the door was not red. Some of the priests would come and help. Words could not express her gratitude, she also asked repeatedly what she could do to repay her, but Kinvara just shook his head and refused.

"You don't have to thank me. It's our Lord's will. I'm just his servant." she always replied, though Daenerys still doesn't believe in her god, it doesn't stop her from showing respect to her. However, Jon didn’t agree, he had the opposite attitude and opinion of the priestess. Every time the red women walked in with others, he would tense up and looked at them suspiciously. He did not trust her, and Daenerys understand, he had suffered so much after the red god's resurrection, he probably felt he had been played by destiny, a feeling which Dany sometimes shared, after all he had been through, not to mention gods, it was hard for him to trust anyone.

Sometimes, she felt he doesn't trust her either.

It wasn't that Jon had been mean or cold to her, if that’s the case, if he had truly blamed her so much, then she would at least a little bit more at ease, instead, Jon had been nice to her, maybe too nice, he took care of her, kept her closely, attended to her daily chores, followed her to the market and watched over her in silence as she gave some of her coins to the poor. At night, he would guard her at the door and lie down beside her until he was sure there was no danger in his mind. He also started brooded more.

A few times, when he thought she was fast asleep, he would sneak out to target practice, punching the sack again and again, thinking she wouldn't notice, but even if she wasn't watching him from the corner, his red knuckles and the small cuts on his hands speak for themselves.

People here were used to seeing them as a couple. And she didn’t even know what to say about that. More often, she felt like he was _her shadow_.

"You should tell each other what you really think." Kinvara said to her one day. "It's not good to keep on like this for both of you. "

She always thought of the force and the look in his eyes when he lifted her chin that day, the fire burning in those beautiful dark brown, that filled her heart with panic and yet somehow longing, it was an unquenchable desire, that moment, she wanted him to kiss her, she wanted him to fuck her to oblivion then fill her up with his seeds, she wanted him to do what she refused him again and again but wanted to do so much. However, since then, he never did anything like that again, he wouldn't do anything she didn't approve of, and she was ashamed to ask him.

She tried, as the high priestess had advised, to ask him carefully how he felt about what had happened, but Jon just shrugged and said over and over that he was fine, that they should move on and focus on now. Afraid that she would hurt him again, Daenerys did not venture further into the subject, but as time went on, his state only enraged her.

_He was blaming her_. She could feel it. Even though he said he didn’t. Jon was a terrible liar, he closed himself off to her as he had before, in a different way.

She still felt _cold_.

One day, finally, she was tired of this state of his. That night, when he came back from the yard, she stood at the door and caught him in the act.

When he saw her, he froze.

"Do you really think you won’t wake people getting up in the middle of the night? " She said, letting her temper get the better of her. "If you want to practice, you can do it during the day."

Jon opened his mouth as if to explain, but in the end he just bowed his head in frustration, for a moment Daenerys began to think she had gone too far.

"I'm sorry... It won't happen again, " he replied in a small vioce. "Go back to sleep, Dany. You need it more than anyone. "

With that, he took his gaze off her and went into the room, she knew he was avoiding her like the other times, but no, she wouldn't let him do that to her and himself again.

He was just about to pass her when Daenerys turned around and grabbed his arm, a move that caused the other to turn around in surprise.

"You know you can _tell me_ , if you're still angry with me and everyone, " she said with a sigh, ironically, she the one who sounded miserable this time. "I'm sorry, you know you can tell me... "

"... I'm not, I'm not angry with you." he replied, looking away again and refusing to look at her, his voice sounded so dry.

"Let me go, please." he said.

He's still lying. Again.

When he said this, Daenerys knew she couldn't endure it anymore.

Anger quickly rose to her throat.

"Don't do this to me! " She cried in a broken voice, in a moment of desperation, she pushed him, which caused him to take a step back, shock returned to his face. She didn’t even know she had so much strength, "You lied, you lied again! How could you do this to me! "

“I'm not-”

"Yes, you did! Don't deny it! Not only did you lie, you've been avoiding me! " She interrupted.

"I'm not avoiding you, Dany. Stop-" He tried to stop her, raising his voice but it was useless.

"Save your pathetic explanations. God damn it! " She shouted again, cursing uncontrollably. She had never said something like that before, "Do you take me for a damned fool? You don't think I can fucking see it? Sometimes you won't even look at me! You think what you're doing to me now is different from what you did at Winterfell? You don't want to talk about it, you don't want to accept the truth, you don’t want to be called Jon Snow but he's a part of you！I swear if you say ‘I'm not’ one more time-”

"Then what?! What are you going to do! Leave again? ! " Finally, Jon shouted back, anger showed in his face, good, that's all she needed, anything was better than indifference, "what do you want me to say, Daenerys? I'm still angry at you and everything? Do you want me to hurt you? "

"I want you to tell the truth! " She cried.

"Fine! " He gasped heavily, the same flame burning in his eyes, "You want the truth, then yes! I'm angry! I'm angry at everyone, the people who betrayed me! Every night I think about how to get revenge on them in the cruelest way! I'm angry at you, too! You killed me! "

“I had no choice! Do you think I wanted to kill you? You burned a city! You were going to kill everyone-”

"I don't need you to remind me what I did! I'm mad. Is that what you want to say? Aye, my actions don't deserve forgiveness and I don’t want or need one, but you did have a choice before that! I begged you, over and over, you had a choice the night at the feast! You had a choice on Dragonstone! You know I don't care if you have my child, but you still refuse me. You know I don't want the throne, and yet you still put this fucking burden on me. You abandoned me, just like everyone else!"

“I love you, you are my aunt, my blood, but in the end you lied to me, stabbed a dagger in my heart. Just like what those night's watch did to me, killing the father of our child. And then all of a sudden you change your mind when you find out you're with child, what do you think I would think? All you do is prove to me time and time again that you don't love me and you don't want me.”

“I ....That’s not true!” It stunned her to hear those words. How could he think so low of her? “I thought I was helping you. Putting our duties first. I assumed that’s what you always prefer so I tried my best to do the things right.....But it doesn’t matter now, everything went wrong anyway. And you don’t have a choice? You could have spared those people. Show mercy. You could have gone straight for Cersei and Euron and I wouldn’t even give a damn. Yet you chose to destroy them!”

“Aye, it’s easy to say it when you’re not the one that lose everything,” He said, almost like a scoff, “Arya died, my little sister, the only one alive in that traitorous family who truly cares about me drew her last breath in my arms protecting me because I saved you, Ghost died, Tormund beheaded like how they treated a northern savage because I wanted to protect you and fight for your wars. _Where is mercy for them?_ You only care about putting me on that damn chair. All I want it’s a little peace from you but when I begged you, you looked at me like I’m a.....”he trailed off, looking so hurt, “ Like I’m a fucking _monster_. ”

“.....You are not a monster, I’ve never think of you that way.” Daenerys closing her eyes, felt her rage begin to subside, the familiar, intense guilt returned. It’s hard to hear those harsh words from his perspective. It hurt her greatly to know that how much he had lost for her. How painful her previous silence and distance had made him felt. She never thought her worrying for him would give him that false impression.

“But I am. They were right about me,” He gave her a bitter smile, “Do you know I don’t have to sleep or eat for weeks if I want to?” He walked closer to her, made her almost falling backwards, “Do you know I used to dream about cutting off my older brother Robb’s head and taking his place? Every path I chose it’s a wrong path. I chose duty, duty condemned and cost me, I chose love, love abandoned me. So why care about anything anymore? I thought I could destroy everything and be the one the others hated me for, I thought I could hate you. But I couldn’t. The moment I saw you I’m doomed. I could never hurt you. Because it is the curse for a bastard like me to want or love something I shouldn’t and be killed by it.”

"It's not true...I never want you to feel this way. I never want any of this to happen.”

"Then what do you want? What is real? "

He stared at her, clenched his fist so tightly, hurt and resentment in his eyes, yet more alive than before.

She hold her posture, now that she understand what he truly think. She wasn’t going to run away from him again.

How obtuse she was to ignore it, she should have noticed it earlier. . . . .

She thought she was staying with him, but how was this her way of be with him when she never said or showed her devotion and let him continued living in the circle of doubts and insecurity?

She knows what she has to say. She should have done it a long time ago.

No, she wasn’t going to make him feel like this anymore.

Even if she loses everything.

"The truth……The truth is I love you. I want you. "She said, almost out loud, it felt awkward to said those words at this moment but she knew she must do it, “I did what I did because I fucking love you, I love you so much. I know it sounds absurd and ridiculous now and you may not believe me anymore, but it's the truth, I did something stupid, I made a mistake, I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought my choice was the best for both of us, the best for you . . . . . . "Her voice became smaller and smaller.

“I thought…After the long night, Grey Worm and everyone else, so many people died because of me, and seeing you do so much for all of them, I started to blame myself. I thought I didn't deserve anything, I thought I didn't deserve _you_ , I couldn't give you the family and the future that you wanted, I thought I was doing it to make it up to you and everyone else, but I was wrong, so wrong, I just pushed you away, pushed away what I wanted most, pushed us both down a path of destruction. I was....a fucking fool. . . . . "

When she finally said what she had been ashamed to say, she felt strangely relieved.

Before he could react, Daenerys took Long Claw from Jon's waist, handed it to him under his still angry and confused gaze. She took his hand, put the blade to her neck. the touch was so cold it made her shiver.

He thought he's crazy, but she's probably no better.

"Do it, " she said, drawing a long breath and sighing, "If you really don't believe me, then cut my throat. I suppose you must be tired of my useless apologies anyway, I won’t beg for your forgiveness, I did kill you, now is your chance for revenge, and don't worry about our child, if you really decide to hate me, if you really think I'm as low as you say, it’s only a burden to you."

For a moment, Jon froze, she wondered if she was imagining it, fear flashed across his face.

"Do it! Kill your murderer! The one who caused all this! " She shouted, provoking him. She would not give him a chance to hesitate.

She shouldn’t cry, but for some reasons, tears still uncontrollably fell from her eyes.

“Come on you fucking coward! You know I hate weak man!”

He looked at her, a thousand emotions came into his eyes, his face was red, his breathing become rapid as if he were about to suffocate, his hand holding long claw trembled so hard that she felt it would cut her skin at any moment, tears were also swirling in his eyes.

With a loud clanging, long claw was thrown to the ground far away from them, he took a deep breath and back several steps.

"... Fuck you, Daenerys, fuck you, " he muttered, couldn’t stop sobbing. "How could you let me do something like this? How could you? "

" _Fuck you_. "

Almost at the same time, they thrown themselves towards each other like two hungry beasts.

The kiss was long and intense, Jon holding her waist in one hand, her face in the other, taking up space between them. He was strong, but Daenerys wasn't weak either. She put her arms around his neck, one hand holding his soft curls. They fought to suck each other's breath, his full lips tasted like mint and the hottest flame, she stuck her tongue into his mouth, licked his teeth and the inside hungrily, he came back and stuck his tongue so deep into hers that Daenerys couldn't help but moan.

That's what she wanted, yes, ever since they were on the boat, she's been longing for this kind of intense touch and reunion, and that's what she's been wanting to do all along, how stupid she was to keep running away from him.

Like that day, it was only in moments like this, her and him, him and her, they felt truly whole, they truly found their home.

_I want you, I want you so much._

"Are you sure? " He said, looking up at her as they released each other slightly, confirming to her, the red corners of his eyes were still moist, he looked as lost and insecure as he was on Dragonstone, the sight stung her. "You want to do this? "

His brown eyes were lustful, so warm in the firelight that she felt like to melt in them, his thumb lightly rubbed her face, trembling breath against her skin, as if she were the most precious thing in the world.

_Yes_ , she thought, _I want to do this. I've always wanted to do this._

_You don't have to worry anymore. You don't have to be afraid anymore._

Daenerys also touched his face, she smiled at him, tears again streaming down her face, she responded him by a kiss.

Everything speaks for itself.

Deepening the kiss, she put her arms around Jon's shoulders. He picked her up, carried her into the chamber, put her down on the soft sheet her silvery hair spread on the pillow, his pupils dilated, he gasped.

She sat up, they eagerly teared each other's clothes, he nearly tore her nightgown, until they were both exposed to each other. He was so handsome, and his muscles were still so beautiful, Daenerys couldn't help but swallow, as she looked at the scars on his chest, subconsciously stroked the one that she gave him, the cool touch made her shivers and frown slightly.

"Look at me. " Seeing her reaction, he whispered sweetly, his strong hand took hers, moved her away from the position they both hated, he crossed her fingers, the other one gently lifts her chin.

"Look at me, " he said again, soothing her, his thick, beautiful lashes casting a shadow over his eyes, his face so comely and gentle.

For a long time, she finally felt a little peace, she finally don’t have to lament at the past.

All she thinks about is him.

_Fuck me, Jon. Fuck me._

Daenerys took him by the neck, they kissed again, as he did so he bent over her, his lips went all the way up to her neck, and then shoulders, his hands rubbed her breasts, he swam along her hips, every now and then he would let out a beastly growl, and his tongue, oh, his soft, supple warm tongue, his liquid leaving a cool trace on her skin, constantly teasing and inflating her pink nipples, Daenerys felt her blood boil all over her body. She snorted something close to lewd. She spread her legs. Her cunt was already wet.

She couldn't believe she had almost forgotten how good he was.

She groaned as he entered her, he was just the right size, slowly drawing in and out, gradually picking up the pace, soothing her already itching inside, he was so hot, but heat was never a concern for Daenerys Targaryen.

They are fire, they are blood, they are love that light each other up, from then on can not be separated.

"You are... Mine, " she said, almost screaming with pleasure, her thighs clenched and accelerating again, the sudden rush of exhilaration that made Jon bellowed as well.

“"Mine... " she said again.

"Yes... " the other replied, breathing heavily, his voice deep, his brown eyes wet with lust, "I am yours and you are mine... say it, I. . . Want to hear it... "

"I am yours. " she answered, kissing his cheek.

"Say it again, " he said, lowering his head, burying his face in her breasts, again sucking the soft flesh of it, this time gently using his teeth, it was driving her crazy.

_Insatiable_ , Daenerys thought, but could not suppress a smile.

"I'm yours, " she said, her legs wrapped around his back, they got faster and faster.

"Again." he said again, this time with a dominative force, he tightened his grip and grabbed her side-buttocks.

"I am... Yours! Ah! " She couldn't help screaming out in euphoria, finally, both sides reached an unprecedented climax.

With a shout that was almost simultaneous, his seed was sown in her.

When the intense sex was over, both of them exhausted and sweating, Jon lay beside her, his arms wrapped around her.

"I love you, Dany, " he whispered, soft and gently. "I love you more than anyone or anything in the world. "

"I know, " she replied, taking his arm. "I love you, too. "

They held each other until they fell asleep.

She finally didn’t feel cold anymore.

***

Since that night, things seem to be getting better.

They fight, they cry, but most of all, they had conversation, real conversation.

Maybe they should have done this a long time ago, long before everything falling apart. Daenerys realized.

Then they made love, sometimes violently, sometimes gently, but each time so sweetly hot that it seemed as if they were eager to make up for each other's previous restrain and missed opportunities

Sometimes she felt as if they were almost back in before, forgot about the pain and the unhappiness, but other times she felt their process were still slow and difficult.

She found him still staring in the west from time to time, with a sullen look.

" _Aegon_." Then she would call him, still afraid to call that northern name, now a bitter memory that only she would use to torment herself over and over again. To her shame and irony, it was also the word which would hurt him in their argues in her moment of anger, which was far from her intention, but she knew it was probably the price she would have to pay. Aegon was strength, passion, a burning determination and fierce desire that close to destruction, Jon is protection, restrain, an eternal commitment and devotion to the greater good, both of whom belong to the same man, whom Daenerys loves with all her heart, even if he still refuses one of them for now.

When she called him, he would always turn around and smile bitterly, an expression she was so familiar. She knew what he was thinking, she knew that if he did decide to do it, this time, she wouldn't stop him, she couldn't.

Sometimes she would still secretly take out the dagger and look at it. She didn't know why she did that. It brought her nothing but pain.

All this was a reminder of how much damage had been done and how far they still had to go.

Whenever he woke up screaming from nightmares, she would hug him, his body was covered with cold sweat.

"What did you dream? " She asked one night, softly, stroking his hair, "you can tell me. " _You can trust me. Please trust me._

"I dreamed you leaving again, " he said, in a faint voice, his face looked pale in the moonlight, "I dreamed that you hated me, everyone hated me, our children hated and feared me, everything I touched died one by one, turned to ashes... "

_Oh, Jon, I could never hate you. How could I? I'm lucky you don't hate me._ She wanted to say.

_I'm not leaving you, anymore._ She wanted to answer, but the words would only bring back those bitter memories.

"It's all right, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, " in the end she just said firmly.

"What about you? What did _you dream_? " Jon asked, looked up at her. Daenerys was taken aback by his question.

"I often can't sleep, you know, I can feel you... shaking." added the other, seeing her momentary confusion.

"... they're always different, but they scare me just the same, " she admitted after a moment of silence. "sometimes I dream we're back to that day, and my... hands are covered in your blood... "

"Sometimes I dream... you never wake up. " She couldn't help but bow her head and shiver again.

Jon cupped her face, comforting her, made her look up, his face so sad.

"... Do you regret it? " She asked softly. "Burning King's Landing? "

"Sometimes, " he said after a moment's thought, "Sometimes I don't... but there's one thing I regret every day, is that I avoided you in the first place because of my weakness. "

Daenerys nodded. She could accept this answer, by the gods, She could accept any answer.

"Do you regret killing me? " He asked.

"Sometimes, sometimes I don't, " she admitted, "that's the last thing I want to do, but if I didn't, we wouldn't be here. "

"And there's also one thing that I've always regretted, is that I didn't say _yes_ to you that night. "

"... To be honest, I was never ready to live in a world without you."

When she said this, her face was already full of tears.

Jon gently wiped her tears with his fingers and kissed her eyelids, a kiss more tender than anything.

"I'm not dead. I'm here. You saved me. Don't ever forget that." he said.

That night, they cuddled up in each other's arms and stayed like this for who knows how long. They couldn't sleep, but it didn't matter.

That night, she called him _Jon_ , for the first time since they got here, he let her.

***

Life went on as usual, quiet and peaceful, as both of them had always hoped. Her belly grew too, They hide their trace with care, no one came to disturb them, no more responsibility fell on their shoulders.

Until the past found them again.

She had only gone out for a little while when Ser Jorah appeared at their door and stumbled upon Jon, if she had not arrived in time, two men would start a fight to their death.

"Both of you, stop! " She cried, giving her lover a firm look. Jon looked at her for a long time, then put his sword away, his expression still slightly hostile, but he backed away.

"Khaleesi, " the old man murmured, her eyes moist, she could not help embracing Jorah, who had always been a father and a mentor to her, god knows how much she missed him.

"I miss you, Jorah, " she sobbed. "I miss you so much. "

She invited him into the house and talked for a long time. They talked about what happened in Essos, their journey of old days and its current situation, and Westeros, Jon just leaned back against the wall and listened in silence. King Bran Stark surprised her, but at least he got Tyrion and Sansa Stark what they deserved, though, to be honest, she didn't care. It’s good to know that Darrio had kept his promise and maintained peace in the cities, which gave her she some assurance knowing that the freemen were safe. She inquired about Missandei and the unsullied and the Dothraki, and when she learned that they had all gone home, she felt the weight that was pressing her chest had finally lift off a bit.

"I'm sorry I didn't keep my promise. I'm sorry I left all of you without saying good-bye, " Daenerys said in a small voice, remembering the broken promises she had made and how she had failed them, feeling strongly guilty.

"It's all right, your grace, we didn't choose to follow you just because you promise, we trusted you, and you indeed did it, the war is over, all your people are safe have found their homes, I understand, I just have to make sure nothing happen to you" Jorah replied.

"Now that I know you're safe, it's more important than anything. "

"I'm not a queen anymore, Ser Jorah, " she said, with a wry smile. "Just call me Daenerys. "

Jorah looked at her and nodded in understanding.

"You are a mother now, "he looked at her, his blue eyes full of love. "But you will _always_ be our queen." He insisted.

In the evening, Ser Jorah bade them farewell, Daenerys escorted him all the way to the port of Volantis, how she hoped he would stay a few more days, but it seemed the old man had learned something, in fact, both of them had probably reached an agreement.

"Are you sure about him? " Before leaving, he asked a little worried, looking at Jon who was waiting in the distance in thoughts.

"More than anything." she answered, her voice firm, her heart was soft.

"Take care, Daenerys. " Finally, he sighed, smiled and hugged her again, kissing her on the forehead.

Like her and the others, Ser Jorah returned home too, to the north where he had longed to return, to be reunited with his cousin.

***

When they returned that night, Jon only grew more upset. He thought they had begun to find some peace, but Jorah's visit disturbed his fragile nerve again, he thought he could handle and digest it sensibly, but the more he tried to do so, the more uneasy he felt.

"You're not happy." Daenerys said, looking at him. Not that it’s very obvious, but she could always sense him. After that day, they made an unspoken promise to each other that if they had any more thoughts or opinions, they're gonna talk about it and say what they mean.

"He _loves_ you, " he said, without denying, she knew what he meant, "like the way I love you."

"So many people love you... " He knew he sounded bitter and miserable, but he could not control his loneliness that’s eaten up his heart.

"I love them, too, " she admitted after a brief silence, holding his hand. "But none of them as much as I love you. "

He hated that he was still so vulnerable to make her worried, but her words did make him feel better.

She and their child are the only two people he still cares about. The only things he can hold on to.

But sometimes, as today, that frustration came and followed like a shadow, but it's not because of Jorah, at least, not just because of him.

"I listened to you two talk about the experience you had in this land, everything you had achieved, so wonderful and charming, how he and the others, how they were there for you, and I. . . I wasn't there, " he said, the real reason that cause him to feel like this, “how I wish I could have been there for you from the beginning, how I wish I could have known you as well as they do, and just thought of it makes me feel unbearable.”

"Sometimes... I feel I'm not enough for you. "

_Sometimes I feel I don’t deserve you._

Her blue and gold eyes watered, in the candlelight they melted into a bluish green, sad yet beautiful.

"Don't think of yourself that way, don't think of me that way, " she said, holding his face in her hands, they were so warm. "I _chose_ you, just as you have chosen me over and over again, you swore and fought by my side, defended me in front of your men, protected me from the night king, marched south against Cersei for me. You're the best man I know, don't ever doubt it. "

"But I failed, " he could not help saying, "I let you lose a dragon to save me, I didn’t kill the night king, I couldn't even stop my own men from plotting against me, I failed Arya, I failed Ghost, I failed Tormund, and in the end, I failed your trust in me, I always fail. "

"It's not true, " said Daenerys, shaking her head, "without you all humanity would cease to exist, and you have always kept your promise to me, always coming back to me, until the last moment, I was the one who left you, I was the one who failed you. "

"But I burned King's Landing. "

"If I hadn't pushed you away first. "

"But I did it anyway, and to be honest, even though I know it was wrong, I'm still not sure I regret it, " he said. "maybe I'm not as good as you think. "

He still thought about that day over and over again, how he made that decision. Most part his guilt came from how hurt and betrayed he made her felt. The truth was he didn’t know what to think and feel about the action itself.

"We all make terrible mistakes, " she replied, "And I'm not as innocent as you think, I failed too, I'm not the successful leader people think I am, Grey Worm and all the people who died, the people of King's landing, my men…I couldn’t control them. They died because of me as they died because of you. " she said.

A mass murderer and a kinslayer, blood were on his hands, so were hers.

_Look what they have done to each other._

It seemed as if the same thing had occurred to her, an apology and sadness appeared on her face. Jon wished he could take back what he had just said.

_Why would he say that?_ God damn it, _how could he do this to her?_

"Is this really what you want? To leave everything behind? " He asked, taking a deep breath and changing the subject, he finally asked what he feared the most.

She looked at him with both eyes, he couldn’t help to breathe and tremble.

"This may sound strange, " she replied after a pause, "I've never told anyone, in all the years that I've been on the run and the conquest, even though they've been there for me, I still feel alone a lot of the time, it's always followed me around, like there's something missing. "

"Until I met you, I realized _you_ were the missing part that I’m searching my whole life. "

He felt his eyes watered.

"No, it's not strange at all, I feel the same, " he said. In fact, he knew it all too well. When he was still a bastard, even with the Starks, his brothers in black or the wildlings, he had always felt so alone, "I never felt at home, until I met _you_. "

She smiled, he loved her smile, it was the most beautiful and alive thing in the world, like the kiss of the moon.

"Yes, not the seven kingdoms, not the iron throne, not them, " she nodded. "from the moment I knew I was in love with you, they were never important to me, and that was never what I, Daenerys, wanted. " she continued.

"I will choose you, Jon, hundreds and thousands of times. I will always choose you. No matter what happens, I know I will. "

"Me, too, in a heartbeat." he answered.

It almost sounds poetic, the war separated them, but also bringing them back together and falling in love. The last Targaryens, two lonely souls, after all the trials and tribulations, coming together.

All Jon wanted to do was kiss her.

"I love you, Dany, I would do anything for you, " he said.

" Avy jorrāelan tolī. " she replied. It's Valyrian. It sounds so sexy in her mouth that every time she did it, he felt he was burning hot again. Jon didn’t need to understand it to know what it means.

"Tell me more about your journey in Essos, " he asked, wishing he knew everything about her at once. "I want to hear it. "

"I'd love to hear more about you stories at Winterfell and the Wall, " she said. "And the night is still long. "

They talk, they laugh and listen to each other, after that they make love, sweeter than anything.

For the first time, he felt his doubts begin to dissipate.

He had his whole life to get to know her, and so did she.

***

One night, they woke up in bed. Daenerys had a strange dream, a terrible dream.

King's Landing burns again, but it's not because of him. It's her.

Maybe the pregnancy had made her have babbling random thoughts, but the dream was so real that she couldn't shake her feeling of fear.

_Is that what you see in your nightmares?_ she thought.

"What do you think would have happened if our situations had been reversed? " She couldn't help asking, her head resting on his shoulder, her arms wrapped tightly around his chest, she had just realized how much she was sweating, "If I had done it, if you were in my position, what would you have done? "

"You would never do that, " he answered, wiping the sweat from her head with a sure, earnest expression. "You have a good heart. "

"But what if I did? " She continued, for some reason, she was unable to stop herself from thinking. "If people you care about were still alive, if for some reason you rejected me, if I lost everything, what would you do? "

Jon was silent for a moment, his hand brushing the silver hair in front of her face, as he always did, his eyes full of concern.

"... If I was still the same Jon Snow from before, I'd probably do the same thing you did, and that fool probably wouldn't even give you a second chance like you give me, " he said, then his face darkened. "But I'm _not_ that man. I'd kill myself if I did that to you. "

"I will always be by your side, no matter what you do, if that is your decision, then I will burn the world with you, I will burn the world for you." he replied.

His words made her feel so safe, but no, it was not what she wanted him to do, it would go against everything she had fought for, everything they had fought for.

Maybe he was right. She shook her head slightly at him. He was not that man, and she was not that woman.

"You have every right to stop me, if I do that to you." she said.

"You are my everything, Aegon Targaryen, Jon Snow. "

"You are more than my everything, Daenerys Targaryen, you are my life." he answered.

She kissed him passionately.

They have changed, she was no longer the confident queen, and he was no longer the shield that guards the realm of men. Perhaps both would never be able to return to who they were before.

But it doesn't matter. They can spend the rest of their lives healing each other.

***

The beach of Volantis was quiet and peaceful, the wind was cool and comfortable on Daenerys's skin. The life inside her seemed to feel happy about it to, kicking her gently and making her giggle.

Jon stood beside her, couldn't help smiling, too. Her brooding lover seldom smiled, but when he did, it was like seeing a rose bloom in the warm winter sun, the whole world seemed to light up by it.

"I have something to show you, " he said, his brown eyes so gentle. "Come with me. "

"What is it? " She asked, smiling.

"You'll see when you get there." he replied, the corners of his mouth still raised. _Huh, mysterious_. Dany raised an eyebrow, but followed him.

He took her up the hill by the beach. There was a huge cave. Jon handed her a torch. The further they went, the brighter it became, the stalactites and colorful gems in the cave, gave off a fantastic, psychedelic glow, she gasped.

He looked at her, love was in the eyes.

The scene reminded her of the drawings he had shown her when they were at Dragonstone, but more beautiful than that, and she remembered it was the first time she felt her heart beat so fast for him, the first time she wanted to kiss him.

When she heard the familiar growls, she almost burst into tears of joy.

"Drogon! Rhaegal! " She cried out.

She ran up to them, wrapped her arms around their necks and stroked their noses. She thought that she might never see them again. She missed them, she missed them so much, and her children seemed to feel the same way, purring meekly at their mother.

Drogon then gave a soft cry to Rhaegal, who responded and made a way for them.

In front of them is a nest with three dragon eggs. One is blue, one is silver, and one is red.

So that's why they flew away, Daenerys realized.

Dragons have no gender. They are brothers, they are sisters. And now they're lovers and parents.

"I found it yesterday when I got back from the docks, " Jon said. " _More dragons_. I think you'd like to meet them. "

Yes, _more dragons_. She's happy for them. She's happy for their children.

"Thank you, Jon, " she said, smiling at him, wanting to hold him never let go. "thank you. "

He smiled back at her, and then he licked his lips hesitating, as if what he was about to say were very important.

"There's one more thing I want to tell you... or I should say, ask you... " he said. "I know I'm not a bloody poet, but you look beautiful... "

Then he took something out of his pocket.

It's a ring.

"I made it myself, " he continued.

He put it on her hand, it was beautiful, it had a blue and gold gemstone on it, it kept changing, like the color of her eyes, unlike her mother's dragon ring, it was very simple, only encircled by a silver ring, but it was equally dazzling, she loved it at first sight.

"Marry me, Dany, " he said, his eyes earnest and moving, his breath almost tremulous.

She had never felt so much happiness in her life.

"I should have asked you earlier, I know, I just... " seeing her froze, he flinched a bit, she understood why he reacted that way, how cruel her rejection had been, but no, she would never let him feel like that again.

Never.

"It’s alright, if you don't want it, if you're not ready-" he went on, prevaricating, only to be stopped by her lips.

"Of course I do, you fool, " she said. "I always do, and I thought if you didn't ask me, I would ask you first. "

He looked at her, his tight shoulders loosened, he said nothing only smiled, he looked so happy, as if his best wish come true, she thought it was very lovely.

"I will marry you, Jon, I will be your wife, " she said again, holding him.

***

When he was still Jon Snow, the sworn man of the night's watch, he thought he was going to spend the rest of his life alone, take no wife, hold no lands, father no children, when he dies, only the cold air of the Wall accompany by his side. Yet here he is, a lover, a father, a groom, about to marry the best and most wonderful woman in the world, something he had never even dare to dream of.

The fire was bright and almost blood red in the dark, probably because of the magic of the red priests. Jon was still suspicious of their god. In fact, neither he nor Daenerys believed in this religion, but since neither of them believed in the seven, there was no Weirwoods in Essos, Not to mention after everything that had happened, he found himself became a faithless man. After all there was only darkness in death so why believe in gods anyway? Plus Kinvara's invitation, in the end they chose the red god’s ceremony, in fact, he does not care how they marry, as long as Dany’s happy, he is willing to do anything she asked. _She_ is his only faith.

"R'hllor, " a priest standing beside him raised his arms to the sky and began to chant, "You are our eyes, the fire in our hearts, the heat in our loins, yours is the sun that warms our days, yours stars that guard us in the dark of night. "

“All praise R’hllor, the Lord of Light, " the other priests around them replied. They had not invited any guests, both wanted a small, simple wedding with no distractions, witness by one another is enough.

"The night is dark and filled with terrors. Alone we are born and alone we die, but as we walk through this black vale we draw strength from one another, and from you, our lord. Two come forth today to join their lives, so they may face this world’s darkness together. Fill their hearts with fire, my lord, so they may walk your shining path hand in hand forever… "continued the priest, but Jon barely heard a word. All he could think about was her.

When Kinvara appeared with her, Jon gasped.

Dany wore a long red and black dress and a black cloak, the color of their family, embroidered with three-head dragons of House Targaryen, embellished with rubies. She wore the ring he had given her, her hair braided in intricate patterns, a few strands of silver hair fell down on her face, she was heavy with their child, but it did not affect her beauty at any bit, in fact, he felt her even more beautiful now, like a charming flame that never go out, he would burn with it too.

Targaryens, House of the Dragon, bride of fire, wedding of flame.

_Maybe it’s the best way_ , he suddenly realized.

"Who bring this women to be wed? " Asked the priest at his side.

“I do, " replied Kinvara, leading her took a few steps and stopped, "Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, comes here to be wed. " 

"Who comes forth to claim this women? " Continued the priestess.

"I, " replied Jon, "Aegon of House Targaryen, Jon Snow of House Stark. " The name of the family that had deceived and betrayed him still made his stomach turn, but Dany insisted, he just endure it. It's all part of the process.

"Aegon, " asked Kinvara, "will you swear to share your fire with Daenerys, and warmed her when the night is dark and full of terrors? "

They had done that, they had walked through the long night together, and they would continue doing that in the days nights to come.

"I swear." Jon replied, stepping closer, "until the end of my days. "

"Daenerys, do you swear to share your fire with Aegon, and warm him when the night is dark and full of terrors? " Repeated the priestess.

"I swear, " Daenerys replied, smiling with hope and love in her eyes, "until my blood runs cold. "

Then, Kinvara led them to the ditch, standing in front of them.

"Then come forward and be as one. "just as she said that, they hold each other's hands eagerly, leapt shoulder to shoulder over the fire, the flames licked them slightly, but it felt warm, never burn.

"Two went into the flames, " Kinvara said as they landed. "One emerges. What fire joins, none may put asunder."

" What fire joins, none may put asunder. " repeated the priests around.

Jon took off her black cloak and put the red one on her. They kissed deeply and finished the ceremony.

That night, he cherished and caressed her whole being with his mind and flesh, her hair, her hands and foot, her eyes, her flickering eyelashes, her plump breasts, her perfect butt, her bodily fluids, her pink and sweet lips, her dazzling soul, he tasted every part of her, and vice versa.

A husband and a wife, their flames finally join together.

Nothing can ever tear them apart again.

***

Having children has always been one of her greatest wishes, but as the time of giving birth draws near, the joy turned to worry and fear, those terrible experiences of the past and the witch's curse come back to haunt her between sleep and wakefulness, make her feel uneasy.

_Only death can pay for life._ The words rang in her mind from time to time, every time, she could not help shaking all over.

"Something's bothering you, " Jon said. Fortunately, her husband is always with her during these anxious moments, they're getting better and better at reading each other. "Is it because of that witch? "

"... I'm scare, Jon, " Daenerys acknowledged with a nod. "What if it happens again? What if I lose our child? "

"It won't happen, " Jon said, holding her face to comfort her. "The midwives here are fine. And the witch is gone. "

"But what if it does? What if she's playing with me? She says, 'Only death can pay for life', what if I fail our child again, what if this time... it is my life that I'm going to pay? " She said, holding his hand, lowering her head, unable to stop herself from thinking, she finally found her home, finally had Jon, she wanted to live, she wanted her child to live, "I know I’m asking too much of you, but promise me, promise me that our child will live, promise me that if I'm gone, you'll take care of- "

"It won't happen, I won't let it happen, " he said again, emphasizing, stopping her from going on, the same fear appear in his eyes, but also with determination, "I won't let it happen, Dany, damn her curse, don't ask me of such a thing, if you die, I'll let Kinvara bring you back a thousand times, I can't live in a world without you, our children can't live in a world without you. "

"You will live, and our child will live, and that is the only thing I believe in, the only thing I’ll allow to happen." he said.

Daenerys rested her head on his shoulder, his arm around her back, held her against his chest. She took a deep breath, feeling a little better.

She's still worried, but they'll face it together.

***

"What do you want to name our child? " She asked one day.

"Daeron, or Aemon, if he were a boy, " Jon replied thoughtfully, his fingers playing with her silver hair.

Of course, Daenerys smiled. They were his favorite Targaryen and his great great uncle, her great uncle, whom Jon had told her about their time on the wall. He told her Maester Aemon was a good man, he was always thinking of her, the only family she had besides her husband, Dany truly, truly wished she had seen him while he was still alive, if only once.

"But I want her to be a girl, Rhaella, I want to call her, I know she will be as strong as you." he continued, his hand on her belly, feeling the new life they were about to have.

Her mother's name. Thinking of her, Dany couldn’t help but feel her eyes watered, her mother had given her life, but lost her own, she had never met her, but from the words of her brother, Ser Barristan and Ser Jorah, she was able to know her beauty and kindness. She knew that if she were alive, she would love her, just like his mother.

"What about you? What do you want to name the baby? " Jon asked, looking up.

“Aemon is a good name, " she said, again wrapping her fingertips in his dark curls, pondering the new word she had just come up with, "but if she were a girl, I'd like to call her... Aryanna."

The word stunned the other, and then a layer of sadness and nostalgia fell on him, Arya and Lyanna, the combination of two names, sister and mother, two women who had given their lives for him, whom she wished had known more and earlier, it was also her way of expressing her condolences and gratitude to them.

"Aryanna……I like it, " Jon mumbled, his smile sad and sweet, "I like it very much. " 

Daenerys attached herself and kissed him on the temple.

"I like it too. "

***

The days when Dany was about to give birth, he was terrified, more than ever, more than he had been when he lying in a pool of blood and about to face his first death, more than he had been in those dark days on Dragonstone.

He started to lose sleep again, he couldn't eat much, his hands were twitching from time to time, but it didn't matter, his wife had enough to worry about, he should have been there for her, instead of adding more trouble, so he tried to hide it, to do his duty as a husband, to focus all his attention on taking care of her, which wasn't so hard, thanks to his days as Lord Commander Mormont's steward, he had already had some experience. He was in charge of her daily life and took care of all her chores. Since it was not easy for her to move, he often held her or carried her where she needed to be, sometimes she would stubbornly insist that she walk and do all the things by herself, but he was still reluctant to let her go.

"I can't even imagine how our child going to stand you when he or she were born, " she said, a small, piquant complaint, touching her chubby belly and looking devilishly cute.

"You should have known when you agreed to marry me, " Jon replied, also half-joking.

She laughed, kissed him on the cheek, and he returned the same smile, but still unable to lift his pinched brow.

He knew that maybe she felt that he was overdoing it, but more often, he felt that he was not doing enough.

Perhaps it was because of this state of mind of his, he again was caught by her eyes.

"We're in this together, neither one of us has to do it alone, " she always told him, and gradually, through her persuasion, he slowly gave in and let her do some of the things. After all, she was always right about a lot of things.

But sometimes, he still doubts, he couldn't shake that kind of fear.

And that day, his fear came true.

"Get some sleep. I'm just gonna walk around the yard. You need to rest. " she said to him. Jon nodded gently, and just as he lay down, he heard her scream outside.

His mind went blank in an instant.

"It's coming... " As he almost leaped to her side, she said with difficulty groaning with pain, she was already on the ground, her lower half dyed red, tainted his hands too.

_Dany.. . . . . Dany!_ He immediately picked her up and ran out the door, all the horrible scenes from his nightmares flashing in his eyes, he couldn't remember how he had run into the temple, he couldn't remember how he had shouted Kinvara's name like a madman, all he remembered was Dany's rapid breathing, as the midwife and priestesses encircled her, his heart almost jump out of his throat.

_No! No! Don't break up apart. Let me watch her. Don't let her leave me again!_ Jon wanted to scream, to rush forward, but he realized he couldn't do anything about it, so he just stood there and stared.

"Hold her down, she's shaking too much, she's bleeding too much... " he heard the midwife say, Dany's scream grew louder, he felt same fear grow inside him.

It's always the same, isn't it, his mother, his little sister, Ghost, the things he loves are always leaving him, and there's nothing he can do. . . . .

He's the one who's cursed, not her.

If he lost her, or worse, if he lost them both, he knew he would lose his mind again, he would destroy this cruel world to let it die with them.

_No, no... No, no, no, no, no..._

Then he remembered.

He remembered, her smile, her eyes, the golden rim of sunlight on her, her voice, the Valyrian lullaby she sang to their unborn child.

No, it shouldn't be like this.

He needs to be with her. He _should_ be with her.

"Move... move! " He said to the priests on the left, stepping up, "I'll hold her. "

One of them backed out, Jon put his hand on her shoulder which was dripping with sweat and held her hand tightly.

She's right. She's always right.

They'll face it together, no matter what.

***

When the pain that had nearly knocked Daenerys unconscious finally left her, she saw Jon beside her, still holding her hand, she was sweating all over, so was he.

He helped her sat up, then came a loud cry, they both turned almost at the same time.

"It's a girl, " said the midwife, holding her in her arms.

A girl, she looked at her, her daughter, their daughter, she was so beautiful, she had her blue gold eyes, her father's soft black hair and her facial features, she was the miracle of her life.

"Aryanna." she whispered, her heart brimming with joy and happiness, she kissed her chubby cheek gently.

She loves her. She loves her so much.

She handed her carefully to her husband, who looked at her with the biggest smile she had ever seen, and then, suddenly, tears started to fall from his eyes. He cried.

"Our daughter, she looks just like you, " he said, sobbing. "She's perfect. "

He is a father now, just as she wishes to be a real mother, both of their dreams have come true.

"Thank you, Dany, thank you for giving me this chance, for loving me, for giving me this home,." he said, so sincere and beautiful, for the first time, a look of hope appeared on his face, Dany had never been so happy for him. She felt the same.

"And thank you, Jon, thank you too. " she replied, her face already wet with tears.

***

The flowers of Volantis are in their first flush of colour, bringing a delicate fragrance to the surroundings.

"Mama... dragon... "Aryanna babbled in her arms, she tried to learn new words each day, she touched the blue little dragon-Springdancer on her mother's shoulders, the latter responded by nuzzling her tiny hand with his head, they had already developed a bond.

"Pa...bo...pa " the little one giggled, turning to her father, she still hadn't learned the correct pronunciation of "Papa, " which sometimes frustrated Jon. She needed time, Daenerys thought, and she knew she would do well because she liked her father the most. Her husband, too, now smiled, touched their daughter's little head, beautifully braided with long black hair, and bent down to let the silver dragon and the red dragon on his shoulders near her, whose names were Gereon and Tormudal, in memory of their dead friends.

Drogon and Rhaegal landed beside them, ready to fly.

"Are you sure? Lys is the first place you want to go? " Jon asked, straightening up.

Yes, in the end she decided she was not the type to settle down, even though their souls had weathered the storm, the world was still big, they were still young, her heart was not content to be in a small place yet, not content to be unruffled.

"uh-huh, " she nodded, "And then Myr, Tyrosh, Pentos, Norvos, Qohor, and then Vaes Dothrak, Naath, Yi-ti, and Asshai, even Sothorys and Ulthos. " There were so many places she wanted to go, too many unknowns for her to explore.

"And finally, I want to go back to Braavos, I want to see the red door and the lemon trees." she said.

"Sounds like an intense trip, " her husband remarked.

"It's not too late to regret. " she replied.

"Never, " he said, he never stopped smiling. "It's not so easy to get rid of me. "

"Nor do I want to. "

They took each other's hands and walked forward, toward their future.

Together.

_When the sun rises in the west and sets in the east. When the seas go dry and mountains blow in the wind like leaves. When your womb quickens again, and you bear a living child._

She thought again of the words of Mirri Maz Duur, only this time she wasn’t scared anymore, for she knew. She looked at Jon beside her, at Aryanna in her arms, at Drogon and Rhaegal flying together and the warm light of the morning sun in the distance, she knew that the miracle had already happened. Hope and love were everywhere in the air.

Spring is here.

Fin


End file.
